Life should be becoming better now that I have a job, working, earning pennies, less time to think, imagine and dream of unrealistic stuff. I gained tremendous satisfaction being at work and I guess it is because I haven’t been using myself well enough for the past 2 years. The ability to bring income to the family is also self-satisfying; I didn’t feel it this way before I got married.
As I ferry to and fro Dylan to childcare Monday to Friday, and with that little time left at night to attend to him, to the house, and to myself, I felt that time is really not on my side. The few hours left at night is kind of short for me to do all the necessary housework and laundry, looking after the ‘mischievous-naughty-attention seeker-trouble maker-Dylan’. I don’t even have the time to do a half hour facial mask.
Sometimes I do need the time to give myself a break, go out with my friends, but other than Dylan’s loving godmummy, I actually have no one to turn to. I am really grateful that whenever I need her to help me with Dylan, she never fails to oblige. And she is the only person capable for helping me with babysitting, sometimes even overnight, allowing me to indulge in a world of my own without time restriction. She had given me the occasional freedom I yearn for badly.
I guess I always suffer from PMS, at points of time, I just feel like throwing my temper, continuous complaining, and even if nobody steps on my tail, I will just want to scold somebody, for not helping, for not giving, for not seeing, for not responding, for not talking, for not telling, for not doing these, for not doing that. I have a need to tell it off, to talk, to express my emotion, and to communicate. And that is the reason why she is there, to hear me, to listen to my concerns and complaints. It is just like seeing a counseller, to do emotion management.
I am a simple lady, my emotion is written on my face. Can you understand me any better?
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